Feeling Burned Out?! What to do Next!
Burnout simply put, means that you are running on E, with a tank low on gas due to a certain environmental factors that are draining one’s energy. If your energy is being drained out and you are not effectively finding ways to put more energy back into yourself, over time you continue to drain until there’s nothing left. The true point of burnout is not just feeling stressed, but not caring at all anymore, apathy. This occurs because there is no energy left to care.
Burnout is becoming an increasingly common experience post-pandemic. If not work burnout (which many people are experiencing right now), then many of us may also be either burned out in general, or in another personal area of life. Most research articles explore the factors related to job burnout, as workplaces are a common place to witness burnout, and it affects the productivity of a company. Therefore, dollars are available to fund research on workplace burnout. But burnout does not stop there. We can also become burned out from facing multiple experiences of grief repeatedly, from a social circle that is not fulfilling, from a caregiver role for a family member, or from parenting. People are even experiencing dating burnout and giving up on online dating due to the current environment created by dating apps.
Burnout can also occur if you find yourself primarily in the giving position in friendships and family relationships. “Giver” burnout is also not uncommon amongst people-pleasers who struggle to set healthy boundaries and practice assertive communication skills. If you find yourself struggling with people-pleasing and saying “yes” to everything, it is important to explore the “why” behind your “yes.” Sometimes it may be helpful to have a professional, such as a therapist or coach to help you explore the part of you that says “yes,” while other parts of you inside may be screaming “NO! Don’t do it!” The part of you that says “yes” is oftentimes a protective part of the psyche (frequently reflective of an anxious attachment style) that wants to protect you from the fear of abandonment or rejection that you risk facing if you say no and someone is disappointed in you or upset. Usually due to past experiences of either being rejected, pushed aside, or having your needs neglected as a child, this protective part of you formed to help you gain belonging, love, and acceptance in your family or social system. A child requires a sense of belonging in their family system. It is not optional. Therefore, the need to be accepted and belong with your parents was a necessity, not just a desire. So as a young person, your psyche adapted to the environment by helping you learn to say “yes” to everything so that you could be kept safe from that pain. That was smart and adaptive….for a little while. Now you are an adult though, and your system needs to be updated. This younger part of you is protecting you from a pain of the past, because it was much scarier to face as a child. Now, you as an adult have more faculties to manage rejection or a lack of acceptance from a friend, coworker, or even a dating partner. Now, it is safer to set boundaries and manage if someone chooses not to stick around as a result of your boundaries. The key is to do the inner child work and heal this young part of you so that it can join you in the present rather than reacting as if you are still a young child. Once this part is updated, it won’t feel so terrifying to risk the reaction someone will have to your boundary. This step in healing can radically shift your behavior patterns towards making choices that conserve your energy rather than spilling it out left and right with all your “yes’s!”
If this article speaks to you and you feel you would benefit from more guidance and support, please reach out. There is help available to support you in moving forward with your healing from burnout.
